Jan. 21st, 2011 | 05:12 pm

I seriously need to take a chill pill and stop raging so much....

Picked Dad up from the airport on wednesday since he decided to Fly back from Florida since he decided he didnt want to stay there and insists in coming back to California to get everything back. Frankly, I almost feel bad for him.
So many things have been lost, so many people have moved on. Atleast he got a job back at his old company, the same company I currently work for now except his at the other side of operations and I'm clearly at the bottom working in the Call Center. Right now a job is a job and we all could use one.

I'm alittle irritated. Simply coz I failed at waking up early and having to run to the storage unit and dump more crap in there and its quite clear that the tiny closet sized storage unit I'm renting isnt big enough to hold all my stuff /:
I need to sell my mini fridge. I might have to sell my mini rice cooker and mini microwave, I really dont wanna let mine go since my rice cooker is better than my brothers >D imo~ and my microwave is much smaller/cuter and space efficient versus the big lugger Mr.E might be leaving at the condo when we take over the lease on the condo.

For some reason I'm a nazi at saving space! D:

I blame me having lived in small spaces the past 3 years. So I'm pretty sure if I had to move to Tokyo, I would do just fine with the limited space they give us per housing unit. Lawls~

but yes I need to stop raging and being so easily irritated, i dont know why but my brother and my dad easily irritates me TAT and I need to just stfu and take a fucking chill pill. I was so irritated last night!!!! I had to drive everywhere and had to go to the old house to try and clean out my old room from my other grandma's and try and shove everything to the storage unit, it sucks but my brother is lame and ended up making me throw away alot of stuff D':
and we didnt even end up GOING to the storage unit, his lazy ass decided to just grab a box, my microwave and placed it in my grandma's garage  which I'm sure SHE WOULD NOT APPRECIATE CLOGGING HER GARAGE COZ MY DADS RELATIVES ARE A NAZI FOR SPACCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE == and he still left alot of shit in the old house! FML! So I need to go back today at my lunch break = my 30 min break from work to try and haul some more stuff into the car and I'll just have to bring it to the storage unit tomorrow morning before my brother has to go to work at 10, but most likely hes gonna be a pussy bitch and force me to DRIVE him to work first THEN back track and make me drop my shit to the storage unit THEN make my way to the photoshoot I was suppose to do which sadly got rescheduled last weekend, so hopefully it'll happen this week! and my dad insists on getting my old desk top. So I need to get some stuff deleted out of that desktop and grab some of my photos from there that I have left /:
aka the super old X Japan photos from the concert D:

but yeah, so I ended up having to throw away alot of my stuff TAT that I so proudly bought - yay cooking utensils ad kitchen stuff :B it wasnt much but I'm just saddenned at the fact that I had to throw them away and stuff and I understand he doesnt want me to bring ANYTHING to the condo but I insist on bringing my own blanket coz TBH I *hate* using the blanket he provided, sorry i dont exactly want to use your gfs 10+ yr old blanket that smells like shit D:< I may be a hobo but I'm not that fucking pathetic, PLEASE! so tomorrow I dont give a shit, I'll grab MY blanket and insist on using it ==;;

I just fucking hate moving coz you always end up throwing away alot of shit and Its hard coz I'm totally trying not to be a pack rat but it just fucking sucks coz I feel like I'm always loosing or having to throw shit away D':
boo thats money spent!!! it just fcking sucks D:<

and then my dad just keeps CALLING me hour after hour on the hour always insisting me and my brother comes over to my grandma after work to eat dinner, and I keep insisting NO WE"RE FULL AND HUNGRY
sorry if I get off at 8 D: and have to drive 20 mins to get my brother and WAIT for him, I dont think I want to be stuffing my face with a heavy meal after 8 D': I make it a point to eat before 7 and if I *have* to eat, then I'm usually munching on something LIGHT or cereal D'; which I also insist on being lighter!!!

All I seem to do is bitch alot, lawls, but this is what this journal is for D': I seriously sometimes wonder how I turned out to be such an angry child. lawwwwls.

yes so I spent a good portion of last night, walking around bitching on the phone with Ash while waiting for my brother to get off work D': and for some reason we've kinda taken into the habbit of calling pet-names? weird, but I'm not complaining. lawls. Iunno where this is going to lead to nor do I really want to think about it since I decided I really cant do ANYTHING about my PERSONAL life. Not until I can get a handle of my own life and gtf out of fucking San Diego and move to LA TAT I've already started planning more and more research towards opening business and etc. I still feel like I  cant even really talk about alot of this openly to my parents and I know my dad and mom are both still bitching at me to get my cosmetology license out of the way. YES I KNOW I NEED TO GET IT DONE BUT RIGHT NOW. I JUST WANT TO LIIIIIIVE TAT
NOT LIVE PAY-CHECK-TO-PAYCHECK. JUST TO PLEASE LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE TO LET ME LIVE LIFE. BE BORED WITH IT FOR ONCE AND JUST LET ME BE  AND JUST WHAT THE FUCK EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! TAT
yeah i know I'm so sorry I'm a dissappointment to my sister, I'm so sorry she cant even look up to me. Infact I kinda dont want her to coz I am a big fuck up and shit /:

iunno, I've been feeling pretty miserable today and the last few days but I've been living, surviving and just trying to take things as we go, since I know I have a terrible attitude about things and I need to learn to work my dad back into my life and shit. Its just hard for me to try and get anything since I'm so used to feeling like I was living under an iron-fist. D': so, blaqaaaaargh i'm so frustrated writing this TAT!!!!!!!

I hate sleeping on the couch, I hate sleeping in the living room. I hate hearing more and more sirens lately in my neighborhood! *bitchbitchtbitch*

I woke up at 5am coz the stupid dog was whining and shit == and then around 6 or 7am the sirens started ringing out again D': and faaaaaaaaaaaail so I ended up staying up anyway since I know mr.e is goign to be up walking around again TAT and around 8 or 9 I was starting to get super sleepy again D': but ommmmggg someone was out mowing the grass out the condo!! I'm like MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

HHH D:<
*sobs*

I really just want to get the fuck out of here and see Ash next week and hopefully I can fucking stay in LA for a weekend == and just not for a day! I really hope I can get some *alone* time with her so i can just bitch and whatnot D: coz i feel bad hanging out with everyone else coz. lawwwwls hiiii awkward people :D sorry for making you guys feel weird :DDDD~

and hiiii~ no privacy too in the living room so I cant really have *private* convos lawwwls not like we talk about anything either, I just hate talking on the phone with Toshi or Ash when my brother is around coz hiii~ unneeded comments nigguh :D

yeessss I was so stupid and raging last night I was just walking around La Jolla UTC area raging, yelling, cussing and kicking everything I see while I was on the phone with Ash TAT thanks for letting me throw a bitch fit~

I'm still quite terrible irritated == and will just have to stfu and deal. D: tomorrow is going to be busy/crazy.
running around and working on moving shit into the storage unit, I have a head shot shoot in the morning and then I have a video shoot to do at night tomorrow too, hopefully the times will work out tomorrow coz before all that, I have to drive my brother to work, MAKE a run to teh storage unit, GIVE my dad my old desktop and get him all set up with it / delete old photos and shit I do NOT want him to see lawwwls
hiii~ system restore, not like theres shit I'm trying to hide, but I'm sure he wouldnt appreciate my  background wallpaper. lawwwwls!

and I'm really craving for some coco puff cereal ==;;;

its payday today and already a good chunk of my check is already gone :D
hi bills~ I wonder if I'll have money to get to LA next weekend. LOOOLZ. clearly no spending money. Oh sex pot store, you're going to make me sob a good one TAT