Jan. 25th, 2011 | 01:11 am

hmmm I seem to have terrific luck when it comes to vehicles and cars. That or just shitty luck period. I got my fortune told by Shin who works in fortune telling now and apparently according to him my luck would probably not be changing anytime at all this year, but I was trying to be positive and think, well, my luck couldnt possible by get ANY worse than I did last year...but lawwwwls clearly I could have been proven wrong still. lawls and a good portion of my problems has been with the ever basic essentials of man, well to me atleast i see these two things are very primary necessities that we need.
Housing & Transportation.
(And since I'm a sucker for checking my horoscropes and fortune, I went ahead and checked a basic reading and well, lawls heres the exert:Your legendary tenacity and patience is truly about to pay off in spades this year Taurus. After a long and arduous 12 years, your luck is returning with a fabulous vengeance. Jupiter, the planet of large-scale fortune enters your sturdy stars this June for an extended stint taking you right into 2012 in excellent standing.<---
so Shin is right, I might have to hold out for another year and hope things definitely try and turn for the better for me)

lawls, I closed up my old blog and moved onto a new one hoping that it would be a new start and change but unfortunately that doesnt really work for everything lawls.
It just sucks balls. Ahahaha, its ok, We'll try to be optimistic when in reality I'm probably crumbling and crying on the inside D:< lawwwwlz

but yes, I was driving to work, the car was working just fine the last few days D:< and I went and stopped by the boba shop earlier to redeem my free boba since I finally filled up my points card and I wanted to try the Almond Milk Tea (the next one I'm trying is def Strawberry Cream Milk Tea or the HoneyDew Milk tea! :o) and I took the back roads to get to work and on my way down the hill to cross the intersection to get NEAR my work, the steering wheel started loosing power/locked on me and I started to notice that the accelerator was def not working anymore, at that point I tried to maneuver the car to go to the side so atleast I wouldnt be blocking traffic and I only got as far as being 1 lane further from the side ==;; fml. Turned on hazard lights, turned car off and attempted to turn it back on. And dundundun. NO IGNITION. NO CRANK. NO NOTHING.
Hi, awesome time for the car to just....DIE. Fast Forward - made a few phonecalls later, dad and bro are on their way, moved the car to the side, yay neutral :o and awesome day for me to decide to wear a dress. Lawwwls. Starting from today on, I guess no more dresses/skirts for me lawwwls incase I get stuck in another runt like this!? Iunno. lawwls fml. ahahahahahaha.

but yeah, I seem to just back luck with cars. LAWWLS
2009  - crashed my corolla, fucked up my arm badly. Car is dead. Totalled. Cost us alot of money too just arguing with the toll company that took the car from the accident site.What was bullshit was that I just got new tires on the car and a full tank of gas on it. I wanted to salvage the tires and gas XDll fmllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2009-2010 - JAGUAR!!!!!! D< COST LOTSA MONEY TO REPAIR AND I HAD TO PAY FOR THE REPAIRS ON THE DIAMANTE TOO TAT B'AWWW
2011 - HIIIIIII DIAMANTE FINALLY DIES, Biiitch didnt even make it 10 years. Well more like, the issue is the transmission TAT and no.

I dont know, Dad came and bro did too and bailed me out and I was only an hr late for work /:
I was...ok at work just coz I was trying to be optimistic and not be all spazzy but now that I'm sitting here thinking that, well fuck. Now I gotta try and figure shit out. First and foremost, money money money. Money is always an issue and I'm dai-pinchi D< which sucks.
No roof over my head, no car really....and only working 20 hours a week. Definitely need to try and get a second or third job to fully make sure I can make alot of $$$ to try and dig myself out of this thing.

I just feel like, after the other night, thinking things through. That I had figured I want to get myself together again and then fully worko n trying to get my stupid license and etc. But now I feel like, everytime we try and make some  progress or something gives us a nasty bump and forces us to take 3 steps back and were back where we started. That or simply makes moving forward or making progress /that/ much harder.

I'm upset, not so much anymore rattled. more irritated than anything. I'm tired of not having anything working or stable for me. And all I can think of for an answer is to work work work work and work really hard.But... urgh.
I dont know anymore. I dont want to be angry about it, or be irritated. Right now I'm just defeated. Now I'm just waiting for my mom to call me to lecture me for:
1. failing to take care of the car
2. failing to have a 2nd job as a fall back (i already got enough lectured for picking my management job over the callcenter when I was offered F/T at the call center)
3. NOT having savings. (well, i HAD savings, I used it up after being laid off! DDD: uuggh)

I want to lie to you, I dont want to hurt you but by hurting myself I hurt you. If I cant help myself, you cant help me. The fact that you cant help me makes you feel helpless. And in turn, hurts you in the end. Am i truly that selfish and self centered to even really understand how you truly feel?
I'm scared to admit I like you. My heart and my mind says yes. But at the same time I cant help but feel like I need to back up. Slow down. Not to fall. Not to fall again.
I've made alot of mistakes in my life. I've thrown a lot for someone I liked. I'm afraid to repeat it.

I try to convince myself that this is all just hormonal talking. None of this is really me.

Sometimes I just want to break down and cry. When I cry, I want you to hold me. Stop me from crying. Stop me from breaking.
Kiss my tears good bye. Let me cry. Hold me.
but sometimes I feel like I know you cant. You're not as strong as I am. And therefore, I need to be stronger for both of us.
What are we exactly?...
I dont want to be a burden to you. And when you tell me your sad coz you dont know what to say. Sometimes I just want to stfu and not tell you ANYTHING only because I dont want you to worry. But in the end, alot of the times I'm too honest and I just tell you.