Feb. 16th, 2011 | 02:56 am

I've been thinking lately, more like, just the past few days on whats going on and where this is going with Ash.
Honestly, I dont know why its making me think, why am I questioning, whats there to question? Am I questioning my conviction?
What exactly am I looking for? I dont know, more like, I've fallen out of it.  Hah.
I guess its just our amazing communication skills and the fact that I have so much going on, on my plate.
I've been spending as much time on Call of Duty or Halo with the guys on XboxLive as a nice distraction, simply because I know she wont pick up or answer my text. Why bother chasing, its pointless and frankly, I'm not feeling '</3' over it. I guess it just wasnt that strong.
I had a few lolz to be honest when I found out my friends were talking about us. Part of me wanted to keep this up as a means of supplying some form of entertainment for others, but really, I think I'm tired of chasing. and the current situation at home just makes it almost like, you dont really wanna bother with anything.

Nothing is really going extremely wrong, more like, extremely uncomfortable. Since my brother and his gf....to be frank. Disgusts me and I wont lie, I feel like I have had lost alot of respect for my brother. Another reason why I wanted to start this new blog was because I was rereading some old entries and my first few entries were me bitching about how he wasnt giving me enough attention. Oh I was so stupid and lonely then. I still love my brother, but, its just not the same anymore.

I've got alot of things going on. Family, work, life. and right now i'm kinda busy focusing on myself, but at the same time, making myself - physically better, so I dont feel so retarded standing next to people....iunno, what am I doing exactly, why. and etc.
I'm not quite feeling the '<3'
sometimes I do, but sometimes I really just dont anymore. Could it be the distance? I guess, its just the fact that shes so dense alot of the time doesnt really do it for me anymore.

I was told that I should go after someone that can keep up with me, but, I honestly dont wanna date myself LAWLS.
and I guess, I'm not really looking to date? more so for companionship?....I dont know anymore.
Funny, couple years ago, I was the one who hated the concept of 'dating', mostly coz my friends were so damn fickle about relationships and I never wanted to fell in that category. I never took a chance, and the moment I finally fell for someone, I fell hard. Crashed and burned. Burned really badly.

Iunno, I guess right now I'm just kinda '????' since, I know, Shou has...questioned my conviction before? and will continue to do so?
Its kinda hard when...you're not exactly getting any feedback LAWLS?....

I guess I am lonely and stuff, but I'm kinda used to doing things by myself now anyways...especially having been the 3rd wheel alot of the times, and especially since I'm moving in with a couple...a couple that makes me disgusted....