Feb. 14th, 2011 | 02:03 am
Who are you, how have you gotten me ensnared in your grasp yet at the same time, feel like i've been spitted to the side.
I'm not feeling the cloud9 effect. Its possibly that, my logical side has always gotten the best of me, which I've always been grateful for, and this has kept me from running ahead of my heart. I would like to keep my head on my shoulders. I dont know what i'm doing anymore.
I've got alot of stuff to deal with and I dont understand why I want this and if this is really what I want...
Shou has questioned me several times of my conviction, to be honest. I've wavered. Mostly just coz, i've doubted...not necessarily myself but, where this is heading and how this is going and where. And etc...
I've almost come to the point of simply having a 'w/e' type of attitude, where I would take it with strides. I dont want to find myself completely intoxicated. In pain and whatnot, I've been burnt before and I guess I'm afraid to be burnt again and this is perhaps probably why I almost keep myself at a distance especially with how things have been.
Shou and Ash are hanging out tonight. I guess their drinking and their talking. Ash has work tomorrow, I've been compelled several times to call and check on them, but I wont. I need to trust that nothing is happening. I also need to trust my brain and my heart to stay put and keep its distance, I've already convinced myself I'm not good, and to just let it go and not bother - just like how I know it wasnt going to work - with Shin.
The distance isnt helping either.
The Pretty Reckless show was on Sat night. I had every intention on going before, but since the car died. I decided against it since I wouldnt be able to go, I dont want to bother other people to try and drive me to Soma for a grunge concert.
Ash and I was suppose to originally go, but I guess she said her friends bday was also this weekend so I decided, ok, lets not bother and again the ride issue. Little did I know the idiot went ahead and bought me a ticket to the concert and didnt really tell me. ==
I found out when I checked my email and saw a ticket from Soma sitting in my inbox. Too little too late.
I had to ask Shou to get me 3 packs of Pall Mall cigarettes to give to Ash since they were hanging out tonight, and I'm not really feeling all romantic and shit and couldnt think of anything better to get her in repayment. So I'll probably pay Shou back when I see her.
Sorry, Flowers wouldnt cut it since thats bullshit and it just wouldnt seem right...not right now that is...
I'm not feeling the cloud9 effect. Its possibly that, my logical side has always gotten the best of me, which I've always been grateful for, and this has kept me from running ahead of my heart. I would like to keep my head on my shoulders. I dont know what i'm doing anymore.
I've got alot of stuff to deal with and I dont understand why I want this and if this is really what I want...
Shou has questioned me several times of my conviction, to be honest. I've wavered. Mostly just coz, i've doubted...not necessarily myself but, where this is heading and how this is going and where. And etc...
I've almost come to the point of simply having a 'w/e' type of attitude, where I would take it with strides. I dont want to find myself completely intoxicated. In pain and whatnot, I've been burnt before and I guess I'm afraid to be burnt again and this is perhaps probably why I almost keep myself at a distance especially with how things have been.
Shou and Ash are hanging out tonight. I guess their drinking and their talking. Ash has work tomorrow, I've been compelled several times to call and check on them, but I wont. I need to trust that nothing is happening. I also need to trust my brain and my heart to stay put and keep its distance, I've already convinced myself I'm not good, and to just let it go and not bother - just like how I know it wasnt going to work - with Shin.
The distance isnt helping either.
The Pretty Reckless show was on Sat night. I had every intention on going before, but since the car died. I decided against it since I wouldnt be able to go, I dont want to bother other people to try and drive me to Soma for a grunge concert.
Ash and I was suppose to originally go, but I guess she said her friends bday was also this weekend so I decided, ok, lets not bother and again the ride issue. Little did I know the idiot went ahead and bought me a ticket to the concert and didnt really tell me. ==
I found out when I checked my email and saw a ticket from Soma sitting in my inbox. Too little too late.
I had to ask Shou to get me 3 packs of Pall Mall cigarettes to give to Ash since they were hanging out tonight, and I'm not really feeling all romantic and shit and couldnt think of anything better to get her in repayment. So I'll probably pay Shou back when I see her.
Sorry, Flowers wouldnt cut it since thats bullshit and it just wouldnt seem right...not right now that is...
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