Jul. 11th, 2011 | 06:08 pm

Up and Down. Up and Down.
Ax Came and went. working on an entry for that but I
figured its been a while since I've made a decent entry in here
not like it really matters since its just for my own eyes to read.
and whoever has the log in to here.
but again, it doesnt really matter since I feel like this is simply
a place for my mind to unwind or if any. A place for me to store
memories that I really wouldnt want to forget about.
Since alot has been goin on. I tend to forget alot of things.
and there are things I dont want to forget.
Def.
A 2nd chance at love. A first for everything.
Shin flew back in from Japan. A different...man...
It hoenstly wouldnt be fair to call him a 'man' anymore. It was something we all
figured was goign to happen. Didnt really think it was this drastic. At all...
He started taking hormones not too long ago, which we've all been pretty much aware of anyway.
but damn. wow.
Alot of the time we were together he had juggled/struggled with the idea of what to do with his parents
the betrayal. the hurt. the abandonment of changing who you are.
Is this all really for vanity purposes?
For him, Vanity is what makes him happy. looking like a girl is what makes him happy.
/:
and clearly, he was frazled with the idea of possible reproducing.
Debating if he should cut it off or not. He claims keeping it in longer would prevent
the hormone blockers to work further and he wants to rush himself. I believe he def needed more time to
think it over. but if its clearly something that he wants to do, let him do it. It doesnt affect me at all. As selfish as it seems.
and I told him, hes already changed anyway. It wouldnt matter if he continues to change. I guess deep down he will always be him, its not really a matter of changing who he is, but, I like to think. it him evolving as a person?...

He doesnt really care if he has anatomically male or female. So long as he LOOKS female. So its not really a sexual disorder...

so whatever...

This weekend was retarded.
it was shins last weekend and we've been trying to do a farewell party
and it coincidentally happened to be my little brothers birthday at the beach
1. i hate the beach for several reasons
2. I dont wanna go to the beach
3. theres no parking on a saturday in SAN DIEGO, IN JULY
so per usual, it was a struggle to find parking in the beach. At all.
So gei.
We tried for several days to convince Ash to come down and hang out with us.
it eventually happened. She came down LATEEEEEEEEEEE sat night for a few drinks.
Shin got pretty buzzed on Crown Royal and a few mixed drinks.Got sick the morning of as well.
we were probably up till 7am drinking.
Ash gets pretty adventurous when shes drinking.

This weekend was retarded.
it was shins last weekend and we've been trying to do a farewell party
and it coincidentally happened to be my little brothers birthday at the beach
1. i hate the beach for several reasons
2. I dont wanna go to the beach
3. theres no parking on a saturday in SAN DIEGO, IN JULY
so per usual, it was a struggle to find parking in the beach. At all.
So gei.
We tried for several days to convince Ash to come down and hang out with us.
it eventually happened. She came down LATEEEEEEEEEEE sat night for a few drinks.
Shin got pretty buzzed on Crown Royal and a few mixed drinks.Got sick the morning of as well.
we were probably up till 7am drinking.
Ash gets pretty adventrous when shes drinking. Adventrous and affectionate.
her normal philosophy towards relationship or anything is
'come get me baby', aka free cookies. So for her to make any first moves
is quite interesting and funny. I've always preferred to thread carefully
and not take advantage of the fact that shes tipsy or buzzed anytime we drink.
I'd be lieing if I said I didnt want her to be alitle bit more affectionate.
but hey, gotta keep em hormones in check :P
and that I've done a pretty good job at keeping down. Ahaha.
Since she dodged the bullet at Fanime and AX. More like there really wasnt much a chance to.
we were drinking at AX at teh JW BAr. But I didnt push the envelope too much
even with Fanime. I was hoping she'd be the first to make the move - sober. preferrably
but sometimes people do need that liquid courage as a crutch.
before I go any further. Ash bought shin a Victoria Secrets underwear set. A pink bra and panty set.
LAWL.
Shin kept commenting the entire weekend, and even before (he spent a great deal at AX flirting with Ash)
only to realize later on that I liked her but I told him I didnt mind if he wants to play with her
she doesnt reallylike me that way or atleast has commented if she did.
even thought I've dropped several and i mean several hints already but nothing.
Alas. thats just how it is.
Anyways, back to the drinking party.
Shin got tipsy and started humping Anthony and messing with him. Ash later on joined in on the fun.
too bad I didnt have my video camera on when this was happening.
We all def saw a side of Ash we didnt see that night. It was quite hilarious.
I was pretty sober the entire night. I drank a combination of alcohol and energy drinks
couldnt get quite buzzed or tipsy. Since due to my tiny bladder = kept pissng the shit out of everything.
Wish I coulda been a little bit buzzed atleast.
fffffffff hormone >8D
that is all.
xD;;
the sun was rising at 5:45am and we didnt stop drinking till 7am.
Went to bed around that time, me and ash in my bed in my room
Anthony was everything, Shin was still busy messing with Anthony and coming back and forth
between rooms to pester everyone.
Under the discreet covers of my blankets /: Ash proceeded to be her ever so cuddly self
which i've always felt very. very. very comforting.
she has this air about her that shes always very comforting and protective.
despite her exterior and denseness. she does take care of people.
TAT
such princelike charm /:
and im a sucker for em, despite being a head strong person that I am.
it allows me to relax and just be alittle bit vulnerable even though I never really let my gaurd down
completely.
FUCK THIS PAST WEEKENED MARKED THE END OF MY SUMMER D8<
but moving on.
we were under the covers and was being all cuddly per usual...TAT she is probably the only
person I allowed to be that close to me. At all. and to be frank. I really really
enjoy having her around and being so close. I even hate it when she gets up to go smoke /:
coz I end up missing her warmth too much.
gei and cheesy. i know.
Ash was being all clingly and stuff the entire night she kept pecking my cheek and rubbing my head
ruffling my hair. And while laying in bed she became cuddly quick and affectionate.
i turned around and faced her and next thing I know shes kissing me O_O;;
in my head i was thinking 'oh shit, am I awake, is this a dream. wth is going on!?'
and shin kept running back and forth between rooms too >D;;
good thing he hasnt didnt see what was  going on underneath?....
aaah my first kiss @w@;;;
she def was a lip biter, a complete tease. I felt tounge but pulled away when shin
walked in and plopped ontop of me, i quickly burried my face on her neck
and tried to shoo shin away
when the okama finally left, Ash passed out. =3=;;
the following day Shin wouldnt leave us alone, we all drove around and went shopping
for shins souveneirs and I did his hair.
we hanged out in my room for a bit before Ash left and so did Anthony /:
not much of a good bye and i doubt she rememebred anything.
I ended up texting her after she left asking if what happened did happen.
All she could reply was
"oh shit...I did kiss u didnt i?...lol;;;;;"
xDDDDDDDDD /headondesk.